Not Your Typical Bedtime Story Part II
BI-ATCH Part II
OK I know, I know. Y'all are cursing me out. It's been a while. Thought I was going to hang up my writing pens and put the Misadventures to bed, but y'all women know how it is! Anyway, that's another story!!!!!!! I know everyone is eagerly waiting and anticipating, and trying to figure out what in the world happened to BI-ATCH!
Ok now, where did I leave off? Ah yes the little bitch the pussy the, Oh sorry, I just get a little carried away. Anyway, me and my new-found friend was cutting a rug on the dance floor. He was getting down. I raised my eyebrow and looked at him, warning him that I do not do the dip thing! He smiled and got the picture real quick.
"So, I thought you could dance only a little bit?"
"Well you know, I am a dance instructor. I teach Salsa, jazz, the tango. The tango I said to myself, but I guess to each his own.
He walked me back to my seat. We were talking small talk. He then did something that, well to be quite frank turned me the off. He reached over my head and motions to the bartender. We were on the dance floor for a minute, so I was thirsty, so I am sure he was too. He ordered himself a drink, then proceeded to sit down and talk to me like nothing. I said to myself, "Self, what just happened here. I know this Negro just didn't order himself a drink and didn't even offer me one?" Now all y'all men out there I know what you're thinking! But listen, this man is trying his best to impress me, looking like a miniature P-Diddy and he can't even buy a drink! Yes, I have my own money but damnit if you trying to push up on me and impress me that's not a good start! Can we say Cheap Ass!
He continues to talk to me, and of course, since I had no drink in hand and he's enjoying his cool refreshing libation, all I could hear was "wan, wan wan" Y'all know like the voice of Charlie Brown's teacher. I excuse myself and head to the restroom, I figured needed to see who else was in the place and maybe he would get a hint and get up. Disappointed after cruising to the bathroom, no one of interest. I sat back down still drinkless and BI-ATCH still sitting there drinking his drink! I guess the guy standing across the way saw what went down and felt sorry for me and he sent me a drink and I'll be damned if this Negro didn't skip a beat just kept taking. The sad thing about it was at this point he was the best prospect in the place at the moment. This is what you call a slow, uneventful night.
Needless to say, I got bored but since BI-ATCH looked halfway decent, dressed ok, all though, it was a little too P-Diddy-ish for me and used proper English, I decided to exchange phone numbers with him. Hey, I believe in giving second chances. He was smiling from ear to ear after I gave him my number. Dork was what came to mind as I was leaving!
He called the next day. We had an awesome phone conversation. It made me totally rethink my first impression of him. I had some errands to run, so we agreed to meet later that day for a bite to eat and a movie. Yes, I know a little uneventful. I love it when a man can think outside the box and come up with something out of the norm to do on a first date, but I was in my mode of giving brothers a chance.
I got home a little early, so I thought hmmm, a date with a brother that has good conversation, well yeah I guess I can go all out and wear something nice, put a little effort into getting ready. I took a long bubble bath. I then picked out a cute outfit to wear not too revealing but sexy just the same. I noticed the time. I started to put some pep in my step and get ready. I didn't want to be late. Now, we've been through this before since I didn't know him we were meeting. I thought I would call to make sure everything was on schedule and besides I could just hear my girlfriend's voice, "Girl I don't get dressed until I know for sure they are coming. You know how these Negroes are? They will stand you up in a minute?"
I call. No answer. I left a message. Hmmm, I decided to hold off getting dressed. I had a funny feeling that I was going to get stood up. I got engrossed with something on TV. I finally looked at the time. It was thirty minutes before we were to meet. I just shook my head. Put my clothes away and finished watching the program on TV. I made up my mind that if you are that callous with my time, then you are not worth me giving my time too.
Thirty minutes later my phone rings.
"Hello," I said trying not to sound irritated but I knew it came through and you could hear it in my voice.
"Hey, are we still on for tonight?"
"Do you have a watch on?" I asked sweetly.
"Ah yeah why?"
"Can you tell me what time it is?"
"It's 8 o'clock."
"What time were we supposed to meet?"
"Ah man yeah well you see, what had happened was…." When he said that I knew the bullshit was coming. "I went over my Mom's, and she cooked and was just chillin over there, and she lives on the other side of town, so it took me a little bit to get back on this side of town, but I'm at home now."
"Well the movie has already started, and I don't want to be there all night. I guess we can just go grab something to eat and just talk." I was still trying to give the brotha the benefit of the doubt. See brothers out there all sistas ain’t cold-hearted!
"I already ate. How about you come over here, and we can watch a movie at my house." Ok now the Sista Girl in me rose up. What in the hell would make this Negro think that I would want to go over a stranger’s house, sit there and watch a movie that I'm sure I wouldn't like and eat some cheap as stale $1 microwave popcorn. The bastard didn't even give a damn that I didn't eat. You know what immediately came to mind: another broke ass brotha!
"Well, I haven't had anything to eat cause remember, we were supposed to go get something to eat and catch a movie. I don't know you that well and don't feel comfortable coming to your house."
"What do you think, I'm some serial killer or something?" He says laughing, which really pisses me off cause with that statement he was either making fun of me or he really was a serial killer.
"Laugh all you want to, but I will not be coming over your house. I don't feel comfortable doing that. Besides I just feel we should be in a neutral place so we can get to know each other. It seems as though you're not down for grabbing something to eat. So maybe we should cancel this date and try for another day since we both have to go to work in the morning." Click and then the dial tone was all I heard. Shock and dismay crossed my face. I just stared at the phone. No, this Negro didn't just hang up on me while I was in mid-sentence. Well needless to say that brief but short courtship was definitely over!
Ok, so even though I was pissed that he hung up on me, I was at least pleased he showed his ass very early on so no heartache, no attachment, etc. etc. Life goes on. Now, ladies, you know men always, always call back. My cell phone rings. It was him. I didn't answer. Voice Mail can answer that one. I was done! He leaves a message. I was curious as to what he had to say for himself. So I immediately check the voice mail. In this low oh so sincere voice he left this message:
Janice, I am so sorry for my behavior yesterday. We had such a good conversation, and I really wanted to spend some time with you, and I didn't really realize how badly I wanted to get to know you. My actions yesterday was totally uncalled for, and I want to apologize. I would still like to get to know you better if you are willing; however, if you don't want to call me anymore then I understand. I really hope you call. You have a blessed day.
Aw, I know what you all are thinking. How sweet. He called baring his soul and apologized. I bet y'all are wondering if I called him back and went out with him. I know a few of y'all are bleeding hearts and hopeless romantics hoping for a happy ending. Well, I'm not going to reveal what I did. I'm going to leave that your imagination….
Ok ok, I will tell you what happened. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic, but Y'all know me better than that. HELL NO, I didn't call that Negro back! Can we say PUNK ASS!!! I just let that little BI-ATCH fall by the wayside.
The operative lesson here if it don't fit don't force it. When they show their ass, in the beginning, they're letting you know what type of person they are. They have no redeeming qualities. An asshole is just an asshole and yes some of them dress up and look nice, but in the end, they're still just an asshole!
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